guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
