My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
