Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
