We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I believe in your delicious
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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