She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
