rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
