sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
