where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
