I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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