So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
