I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
