their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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