All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
