we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
