I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
