I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
