So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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