Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
