We're facebook friends in real life
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
