You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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