is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
