just tell him i said nine months
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
