HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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