nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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