in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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