I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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