apparently the secret to your success is patron
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
