I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
handjob tips. give me some.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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