D3 body, D1 cock
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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