called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize