i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
