I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
