I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
