I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
