The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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