Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
