we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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