is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
