What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
