My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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