I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
