I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
