you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
