I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
