mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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