Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
