I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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