I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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