Just mADE A PArabola og urine
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
