i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
