I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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