is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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