They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
