I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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