youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
