Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize