Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
