Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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