2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
