Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
