dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize