My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
