today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
