Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
