I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
