Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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