My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
